There was an attempt to…make a clay model.

One reason I’m keen on finding an engaging pastime is that I’m hoping that the sense of enthusiasm I gain from it will rub off on the kids.  We have two boys, who are both fixated by YouTube, gaming, “memes” and effectively any pursuit that involves staring into a screen of one form factor or another. If somehow I can encourage them into trying fun offline activities, it may lead to them being slightly more well-rounded humans, who can find enjoyment in many ways other than through pixels alone. Well, that’s the theory.

My attempt to get them to help out with a clay modelling project was borne out of two factors: They had both been recipients of a shitload of clay some time ago which appeared to be deteriorating rapidly (who knew clay had a use-by date?). Secondly I thought that if we did something loosely associated with gaming, then it may pique their interest enough to get involved. The cunning ruse worked for the youngest one,  and that’s how we both ended up making clay Goombas.

For the uninitiated, a Goomba is one of the enemies featured in Nintendo’s popular Super Mario games franchise. They are little mushroom-like critters that are relatively easy to defeat, and tend to spend their short lives moving back and forth until being stomped on from above by our mastocioed handyman hero. According to Wikipedia, “Goombas resemble shiitake with bushy eyebrows and a pair of fangs sprouting from their lower jaw. They also appear to have shoe-like feet coming from their stalks.” Because I don’t fully understand copyright law in the context of using pictures for my blog, and to avoid any potential crippling lawsuits from a major gaming corporation, you can see a picture of what they are meant to look like here: https://play.nintendo.com/themes/friends/goomba/

Of all the many gaming icons we could have picked to make, a Goomba became the default choice because once we checked the supplies, we only had brown and white coloured clay left that hadn’t dried out.  There was also a tiny pot of matter which frankly couldn’t be called clay anymore, and instead was the colour and consistency of a substance you may find in week-old roadkill. However, our Goombas needed some pupils and eyebrows, so we persevered with it.

As we started to assemble our clay Goombas, we had to make a design adjustment for stability, which meant fitting them with bigger feet than standard convention.  This led to the immediate problem that our Goombas looked a little…phallic (albeit with the type of dimensions that made us seem like clay-based e-fitters working with Stormy Daniels’ infamous description of a certain Donald’s “appendage”). With just the head, body and feet in place, it looked pretty bad; however, it was when we added the eyes it seemed somehow worse. Luckily our son was oblivious to the stifled chuckles from me and his mum, and we persevered until our creations looked less like a sentient micropenis, and more like a resident of the Mushroom Kingdom.

Our final efforts are proudly on display in the photo.  They are both passable efforts, but in my biased opinion, the one on the right (made by the boy) takes the gold medal. The wonky eyes with their thousand-yard stare carry a hint that this particular goomba was not the full shitake, and that a stomp to the head from a plumber’s heavy-duty size 10’s would be a mercy killing.  Any way you look at it, I’m confident that Nick Park is not quivering in his boots at the competition.

Overall, the whole activity was pretty fun, and resulted in a few precious moments of bonding before the boy returned to watching YouTubers engaging in acts of stupidity whilst shouting at the top of their lungs. There was also something vaguely therapeutic about rolling a ball of clay between the fingers, and forming little shapes (except for the black ectoplasm, which was frankly grim).  However, was it something I could see myself doing if it wasn’t with one of the kids?  Sadly, the answer was “No”, and so the search carried on…